


In His Own Hands

by AppleCiderr



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Blood and Violence, Child Abandonment, Depressed Orihara Izaya, Depression, F/M, Fluff, Gun Violence, Gunshot Wounds, M/M, Major Character Injury, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent-Child Relationship, Poor Life Choices, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redemption, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2019-06-14 21:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15397815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AppleCiderr/pseuds/AppleCiderr
Summary: Izaya's life had completely fallen apart. He has no reason to live, and no motivation to try and find one.  He is perfectly content to just drink and sleep around, and it seems like the only thing that will happen is that he wastes away and dies...Until one fateful day...





	1. To Give Up

To say that Orihara Izaya’s life had gone downhill would be an understatement. It had dropped far lower than that, into the deepest depths possible. Honestly, though, Izaya could care less.

 

His battle with Shizuo had destroyed him, physically and mentally. It left him a pathetic shell of the once great informant he used to be. He never thought he could stoop this low, but he didn’t even want to try and climb back up.

 

The second Izaya was released from the hospital, he bought the first plane ticket he saw, ended his lease, and dropped all contact with anyone in Ikebukuro. He ended up in Osaka, but didn’t care to try and go any farther.

 

It took less than a week for him to turn to alcohol as a comfort. He’d sit in his hotel room, just drinking and drinking. When he was drunk, the scars were gone, his arms didn’t hurt, and everything was better.

 

But it wasn’t enough.

 

He knew his old self would have spat and called such behavior pathetic… But he was just so hurt, so tired, so lonely.. So, he started spending nights at hostels, brothels, and sleeping around anywhere he could to try and get a modicum of human contact and affection.

 

Izaya knew it wasn’t real, that it wasn’t really helping. But, he didn’t care. Why should he? There was no reason to try, it wasn’t like anyone needed him or cared. Why would he even put any effort anymore? It was better to wither away and die.

 

Days turned to weeks, weeks turned into months. The raven just kept drinking and sleeping around, there was nothing else he could do in his worthless life. With the little money he had left, he rented a small apartment and resigned himself to his new pointless existence.

 

Eventually, drinking was all that Izaya had energy to do. In his  broken down apartment on the edge of the city, he would simply lay among the bottles, too depressed to move, and constantly hoping and wishing for the day he would finally waste away and die.

 

And his life stayed that way….

 

Until one fateful day.

 

\-- -- -- -- -- --

 

Izaya, surprisingly, wasn’t drunk that day, mainly because he didn’t have the energy to go grab anything. He was just laying on the ratty old couch, staring at nothing in particular and hating himself for everything that had happened.

 

A sudden, sharp knock on his door snapped him out of his thoughts. His red eyes blearily blinked, looking towards the ratty old door. _Why would someone be knocking?_ He wondered, but was too exhausted to care anymore than that. He sighed, lowering his head back down.

 

Then, there was a knock again, even louder than before. This was followed by a frantic call. “Izaya, I know you’re in there! I need to talk to you!” A girl’s voice snapped.

 

Izaya jerked up once more, realizing that he did indeed recognize that voice. It was… Well he didn’t really remember her name. Just one of the women he had spent a night or two with.

 

He forced himself to a standing, stumbling over to the door. He unlocked the pathetic excuse for a deadbolt, and opened the door the smallest bit.

 

Outside the door was a young woman with dyed red hair, dark eyes, and a nervous face. In her arms was a large bag, and, to the raven’s horror, two newborn babies were cradled in her arms.

 

“Izaya, let me in, I need to talk to you,” She begged,”I’m not going away until you talk to me.”

 

The raven narrowed his eyes hatefully, before pulling the door open a little farther. “What the hell do you want?” He sneered.

 

“I’m here for your help,” She said, walking inside so that Izaya couldn’t shut her out. The raven backed up, staring at her through his shaggy bangs. Then, the woman took a deep breath. “Izaya… These are your children.”

 

His heart dropped, blood running cold. “What the fuck are you talking about?” He demanded.

 

She moved farther into the apartment. “After our nights together, I got sick. I found out I was pregnant, but I couldn’t find you until after they were born-”

 

“That’s impossible!” Izaya snapped, swiping his hand through the air. ”We used protection!”

 

“It’s rare, but sometimes protection doesn’t work!” The girl hissed in return,”It doesn’t matter, they’re already here. You need to take responsibility-”

 

“NO!” Izaya yelled over her. “I never wanted kids, I don’t want them! Leave and take them with you! I don’t want to see you again!”

 

She frantically shook her head, eyes brimming with tears. “I can’t! I’m too young to have to take care of kids! I’m not ready!”

 

“Oh, but I am?!” Izaya demanded, making the two newborns start to stir and whimper.

 

“You have to help! You’re their father!” She yelled over him.

 

“No I’m not! They’re a mistake, never supposed to exist!” He returned,”Listen to me closely, okay? I’m don’t care about them, I don’t care about you, and I want nothing to do with any of you!”

 

Silence flowed between them, the girl just continued to silently weep in front of him. Izaya didn’t back down, staring at her with a steel, disgust filled gaze. The girl finally seemed to understand that the man would not budge. She released a long, sad sigh and nodded.

 

A modicum of pity filled the raven. He sighed as well, rubbing his pale hand over his face. “Look,” He began,”I’ll pay child support, I’ll even give you the first check right now…. As long as it makes it so I don’t have to be involved in any other way.”

 

The girl seemed to think for a moment, and then perked up. “Y-yes! That would be perfect! Why don’t you go get the check, and I’ll stay right here. Then, I’ll never come back.” She quickly told him.

 

Izaya nodded, leaving the room, and going to his small bedroom^%. But if it would make her leave him alone, it was worth it.

 

He wrote out the check, signing it as quickly as he could. He then hurried out of his room. But the second he opened his door, he could see what happened.

 

There was no sign of the girl, his front door was shut tight, and- on the ratty old couch -was the large bag that she had been holding only seconds before…

 

And the two newborn babies were right next to it.


	2. To Choose

The second the raven registered what was going on, the check fell from his hand, and he yanked open the creaky apartment door. He stumbled down the stairs, red eyes searching everywhere for the young woman. But he saw nobody, the street was completely deserted. 

 

She was gone…

 

“No… No! I-I can find her! I’ll track her down!” He said aloud, hurrying back to his apartment. “I’ll find her and then everything can go back to the way it was!”

 

When he reached his doorway, Izaya suddenly stopped. No, he can’t track her down… Actually he _ couldn’t _ track her down. He didn’t have his computer anymore, he left it behind in Ikebukuro… And he couldn’t use his phone because he didn’t have her name.

 

Izaya’s hands dropped to his side, kicking the door shut. He glared down at the ground, feeling a burning anger grow in his chest. How could she do this to him?! She left him with nothing!

 

_Wait… The bag!_

_  
_

 

The raven practically flew over to it, yanking open the bag, and digging through everything. He threw the baby supplies out, hearing them clank against the alcohol bottles on the ground. He didn’t care about those, what he was looking for was.. There it is!

 

He pulled out two pieces of paper from manilla folders. It was birth certificates. He didn’t even bother to see what the babies’ genders or names were, he looked right for the parents names. Sure enough, right underneath his name was hers. Munkata Fumi.

 

Instantly, he pulled his phone back up and began typing away. He found a number attached to her very quickly. He switched to his keypad, calling the number. It rang… And rang.. And rang.. Then…

 

_“You have reached a number that has been disconnected or no longer in service-”_

_  
_

 

“Dammit!” Izaya yelled, ending the call, and then quickly began looking all over once more. He tried looking for another number, a location, _ anything _ . But.. It was no use. There was nothing. It was if Munkata had vanished off the face of the Earth.

 

A sudden loud cry caused Izaya to jump, his phone falling onto the ground among the baby supplies. He turned towards the sound, noticing that the smaller baby’s eyes were open, and it was screeching. Soon after, the other baby heard the crying, and began to as well.

 

Izaya growled, feeling his head throb, and the anger and stress from his sudden situation finally became too much. His hands threaded into his shaggy hair, yanking at the strands as he snarled,”Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!”

 

Of course, this only made the babies screech louder. The raven was too angry to care, and just pointed at the offending children. “Why do you have to exist!?! I never wanted this, I never wanted kids, I never wanted responsibility!” He yelled, his vision blurring with tears. “I just want to die! Why are you prolonging that?! I should just dump you on a doorstep like she did! At least that way you wouldn’t be my problem anymore! Why did this have to happen to me!”

 

The tears covered his vision entirely, and the raven stumbled once more, falling onto the couch next to the newborns. He buried his face in his hands, sobbing along with them. Eventually, even  _ that  _ became too much of an effort. His hands dropped onto the couch next to him, and he slumped forward in despair. 

 

The crying continued for a while, until there was a sudden pressure around one of Izaya’s fingers… And one of the babies stopped crying. 

 

Confusion filled with raven, and he turned his tear filled eyes towards his hand. It seemed that, somehow, the newborn closest to him had managed to get out of their blanket. Their tiny hand was wrapped tightly around his finger. 

 

Izaya felt a strange, warm feeling rise up within him. He used his other hand to lift the baby up into his lap. Then, he reached out for the other, picking him up as well. As soon as the two children were in his arms, they almost instantly calmed down. 

 

The raven felt guilt build up along with the warm feeling. “I’m… I’m sorry,” He told the newborns. “It’s not your fault, you didn’t ask for this. Munkata and I should have been more careful. It’s not right of me to put the blame on you..”

 

As if responding to his voice, the bigger of the two opened their eyes. They were red, exactly like his.. The tiny hand tightened around his finger, and it only took a half second for any thoughts he still had of dumping the babies at an orphanage to be thrown out. 

 

Izaya held them as close as he could, and softly said,”You’re my children, my responsibility. I promise, I’ll care of you two, no matter what.”

 

— — — — — — 

 

The raven knew that taking on the responsibility was dangerous, though, with how little money he had from his foolish endeavors and the horrible apartment he now resided in. It was not an ideal place to raise kids.

 

As much as it pained him to think about, he needed to ask for his family’s help. He had no clue how to take care of children. Hell, he couldn’t even take care of  _ himself _ at the moment. 

 

So, for the second time that day, Izaya held a phone to his ears, listening to the ring that suddenly felt so torturous.

 

Finally, someone answered. After a second of silence, he heard his mother. “Hello?” She called curiously.

 

Izaya forced the lump in his throat down as he said,”Hey mom, I need to talk to you.”

 

“Oh, hello Izaya,” She huffed, her voice suddenly more monotone. “You know, you missed your sisters’ tournament.” 

 

The raven frowned, hating how the woman always jumped straight to what his sisters were doing. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been in a tight situation recently..” He began, only to be interrupted before he could continue. 

 

His mother made a noise like she was listening, before she declared,”Their next tournament is in two weeks, you should attend.” 

 

It wasn’t a question, but Izaya ignored it. “That’s not what I’m here to talk about,” He firmly declared,”I’m here to ask for your help…” 

 

The woman on the other end didn’t respond, so Izaya just continued. ”I need your help, just for a little bit,” He began,”Someone I was… With for a short time just dropped off our children at my house. I didn’t know I had kids until today, I’m taking responsibility but not prepared to be a parents.  _ Please,  _ can I come back home and stay for a bit? Just until I’m stable again.”

 

His mother didn’t answer for the longest time, and the raven could feel the tension building up in his chest. 

 

Finally, the older woman on the other end questioned,”Did you try to find her?” 

 

“I did, but I couldn’t find anything. No number, place of study, not even an address,” He quickly replied. 

 

“But did you look?” His mother croaked,”Did you really try and look? Or are you just being lazy?”

 

Izaya felt hurt stab at his heart. “Mom! I looked the best I could! I even used her full name! Why does it matter?” He questioned,”She left, she obviously didn’t care.”

 

“Well, you shouldn’t either,” The woman hauntingly snapped. 

 

The raven frowned, turning his head to look at the two newborns. “What… What do you mean?” He questioned.

 

“They’re illegitimate children, Izaya,” His mother instantly declared,”They’re not your responsibility.”

 

“Yes, they are,” Izaya challenged,”I wasn’t careful, and she got pregnant. I have to take care of them, since she won’t.” 

 

His mother scoffed. “Izaya, they’re bastard children. If you two were married, I’d understand. But you weren’t, they’re accidents that I believe shouldn’t exist within our family.” 

 

The raven felt his heart sink. “What are you saying!?” He questioned. 

 

“Are you dense?!” The woman snapped,”I’m saying I want you to get rid of them!”

 

Izaya’s red eyes widened, and he felt his whole brain overflow with confusion. “Why would you say something like that?” He demanded,”Mother, they’re  _ my _ children!”

 

“No they are not! They are pathetic half breeds attempting to destroy our pure blood! What will my family-”

 

“I don’t care what our family thinks! I never have! You know that!” Izaya interrupted, his red eyes burning with frustration.

 

“Imagine what our family would say when they heard  _ my _ child made such a mistake!” His mother bemoaned.

 

Izaya felt his hand squeezing the phone tight, filled with rage. “Of course, it always has to be about you, doesn’t it? Never about me!” He snapped,”Even when it’s my problem, and I’m asking you for help, all you ever do is worry about yourself and how it will make you look!”

 

The woman on the other end gave an angry, indignant noise. But, she took several breaths, and then, in a chillingly calm voice, declared,“You know, Izaya, you’re right! It is your problem. But, I know you’ll never be able to take care of them. So, I’ll give you a choice; You get rid of those  _ things _ … Or you’re no longer part of this family.” 

 

Izaya wished he could be surprised, he really did. But his mother had always been like this. Obsessed with the perfect family. It was what pushed young Izaya to do his best in everything, to be the perfect son during school. He just wanted his mother’s affection… Of course he never gained it. 

 

But his sisters did, they  _ always  _ did. Mother always bragged about them. Maybe that was why Izaya started acting out.. Or maybe it was when he realized that his parents didn’t need him for anything. 

 

His red eyes once more returned to the newborns, who beginning to fuss and scrunch up their faces. Even though they were mistakes… They still… They still needed him. 

 

“They need me,” Izaya whispered aloud. 

 

“What did you say?” His mother demanded. 

 

Izaya quickly returned his attention back to the phone. “They need me! These two need me more than any of you ever did! Even if I did give them up and come running home to you, how much would change!? Nothing would!” 

 

“So you’d give up your family for two half breeds!?” His mother nearly screamed. 

 

“As far as I’m concerned, they’re already more of a family to me than you  _ ever  _ were,” He hissed back. “Forget what I asked, forget about them, and forget about me. I’ll stay here, with my  _ family!”  _

 

He turned off the call, and tossed the phone away. He ignored the clatter of it, turning back to the now crying babies. Although they were defiantly upset before, his yelling had made it worse. 

 

Izaya’s eyes widened, feeling instantly panicked. He moved down to the couch, picking up the two twins as quickly, but carefully as he could. 

 

“Hey… Hey it’s okay,” He whispered,”Daddy’s here, that mean old lady isn’t gonna bother us.” 

 

It took a second for Izaya to register what he called himself. “Daddy?” He repeated, rolling his eyes at himself. “Man, I’ve lost my edge, haven’t I?”

 

A sad emotion suddenly washed over him. “But then again… It’s been lost for awhile now,” He admitted. 

 

Although his words were depressing, the simple fact he was speaking seemed to calm the little ones. Izaya instantly felt pride within him, along with something even warmer that he couldn’t recognize. 

A sigh escaped the raven, looking down at the two. He felt guilty. There was absolutely no way he could move them out on his own, he was completely broke.  _ Maybe I could find a job? Maybe… Maybe go back to informant broking? What do I do?! _

 

“Don’t worry, you two… I’m going to figure something out. We’re going to get through this.. Somehow,” He whispered, doing so to help the newborns feel better. To convince them that everything would be alright.

 

But, in the back of his mind, Izaya knew that he was really trying to convince himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter: Izaya begins attempting to balance the new responsibilities in his life


	3. To Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya searches for a job

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh this took so long to write. I typed it completely out of order and second guessed myself so much. But, I'm very proud with the final product. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

The first thing the raven did was clean up his apartment. He picked up all the trash and the empty bottles, cleaning the dirty dishes, and throwing out the expired food. All the while desperately trying to keep the babies calm. 

For the duration of Izaya’s purge, the babies remained relatively calm. A few times, they became fussy, but Izaya easily managed to calm them down by picking them up and rocking them gently. But, as he just finished cleaning up, the bigger of the babies burst into tears. 

 

The baby’s face scrunched up, his fists clenching tightly, and shrill cries escaping from those tiny lungs. The cries instantly stirred the other child, who started to cry as well. Izaya instantly felt panic explode through him. 

 

He picked up the bigger of the two, hushing in the most gentle tone he could. “Hey, hey… Please calm down!” He begged in exhaustion, trying to rock the child back to sleep. It only seemed to irritate the baby further, their sobs becoming much more shrill.

 

Izaya bit his lip nervously, before deciding to push aside his dignity. He brought the baby closer, and smelled for a dirty diaper. He quickly moved the newborn back down with a gag. “Okay, I understand now,” He declared.

 

After finding a tattered towel, he placed it over the kitchen counter. He brought over the newborns and the heavy bag, digging around until he found diapers. Then, he took several deep breaths. “Alright, you can do this Izaya,” He told himself. “You’ve found against supernatural entities who can spawn swords, a diaper is nothing.”

 

Despite his attempts to be brave, Izaya felt as though he emerged from the valley of darkness once he finally finished. He threw the two dirty diapers into the trash bag, intending to take it outside as soon as possible. 

 

First, however, he took the two sniffling newborns to his room. Thinking it would be safer to leave them on something soft, he placed them on his futon with pillows around the edges. Once he was sure they’d be safe, he went back to the tiny living room. He took the bags of trash down to the big dumpster that the landlord had left in the middle of the tiny parking lot.

 

As he walked, he recognized that it probably shouldn’t have taken him changing their diapers to find out what their genders were. _ I’ll look at their birth certificates later, but now I know that the smaller one is a boy and the bigger one is a girl. _

 

As soon as he got near the building again, Izaya could hear the shrill crying once more. “Shit…” He cursed, quickly hurrying up the rickety stairs, and into his apartment once more.  _ Looks like birth certificates will have to wait. _

 

When he got back to the bedroom, both the babies were sobbing violently again. “What now?!” Izaya demanded, quickly shoving items from the bag back out onto the floor, one of which was a container of baby formula. 

 

_ Oh, they’re probably hungry… _ He realized, and moved to open up the formula. To his surprise, the plastic covering was still over the baby formula. In an instant, his frustration turned over to Munkata.  _ Did she even feed them before she brought them here?! _

 

He quickly undid the plastic, grabbing the bottle nearby and heading to his stove. He got the bottles all done, taking them to the babies. He picked up the baby boy, making sure to support his head as he began to feed him the bottle. Almost instantly, the baby relaxed again, sucking on the bottle desperately.

 

Once the baby finished drinking, Izaya remembered what his mother used to do. So… Now I should burp them, right? He thought, and then began to gently pat on the back while supporting the baby. Thankfully, the baby burped after a few moments. 

 

He then moved onto the girl, going through the same exact routine, but of course it couldn’t end well. He heard a gargally burp, and then there was something wet against his back. The raven instantly cringed, a pained groan escaping him. 

 

He quickly placed the newborn back down, yanking the shirt off and tossing it into the laundry basket that had a broken handle. When the raven turned back around, he saw that both the babies had their eyes open, looking towards their father. 

 

Izaya felt giddy all of a sudden, but he didn’t understand why. So, he simply knelt down next to the futon-turned-crib and spoke. “See? That’s wasn’t so bad, was it?”

 

The babies, of course, didn’t respond. Izaya gave a tiny smirk, before going back to the bag, and pulling their birth papers out once more. Instead of focusing on the Munkata’s name, however, he looked for his children's’ names.

 

Turning his red eyes to the boy, he declared,”Orihara Yuuto… And….” He turned his eyes towards the baby girl. “Orihara Kana.”

 

He lowered the papers, softly declaring,”Well, at least she did one thing right. Those names are perfect.”

 

Two teeny, tiny smiles crawled up the little faces next to him; and for some reason, they made everything worth it. 

 

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

The peace didn’t last long. In the darkness of the night, both the children broke out into frantic cries again. It jerked Izaya from his uncomfortable sleep, quickly moving to their side. 

 

“Hey, Hey,” He quickly whispered, placing his hands onto their faces, thumbs rubbing against their cheeks. “Hey, what’s wrong?” 

 

Of course, the newborns couldn’t explain why they were crying, and simply continued to. Izaya cringed, moving to check their diapers. “What’s the matter? Your diapers aren’t dirty.. What’s wrong? Are you hungry?” 

 

Knowing it was better to be safe than sorry, Izaya quickly headed to the kitchen. He went through the same routine as earlier. Before he could bring the bottles to the children, however, he heard a loud pounding on his front door. 

 

“Hey asshole!” The voice yelled,”Shut those damn kids up!” 

 

Through the thin walls, his anger was easy to hear. It seemed to only make their cries even more shrill. In return, this made the man only pound louder on the door. 

 

Izaya suddenly felt irritation rise up in him, as he got to his feet and went to his front door. He opened up the door, and was met with the face of one of his shaggy looking neighbors glaring at him furiously.

 

“I’m sorry!” Izaya exclaimed, quickly trying to defuse the situation so he could get back to his kids. “I’m trying to calm them down but-”

 

“How am I supposed to get any sleep with them crying all the time?!” The man yelled, slamming his hand against the wall.

 

The irritation flooded forward in full force. “They’re babies! They cry!” Izaya angrily snapped,”What did you expect?!”

 

“Maybe some fucking peace and quiet?!” The man practically spat in return. “Listen, dipshit, either you calm them down, or I’ll shut them up for you!”

 

Izaya quickly slammed the door shut, an angry yell coming outside the door once more. He ran to the bedroom, grabbing both children, the bottles, and then went back to the door. 

 

He kicked it open, walking past the angry man and down the stairs of the apartment. He crossed the street over to the empty lot next door. There, he sat on the rotten old bench, beginning to feed the newborns. 

 

Izaya kept an eye on his door, noticing that the man loitered by it for a few minutes before stalking back to his own apartment.  _ You’re lucky that I have two babies to hold, or I would smack that five o’clock shadow off your shaggy ass face.  _

 

A whimper caught his attention, causing him to turn back towards the scrunched face that belonged to Yuuto. 

 

“Hey bud, it’s alright,” He quietly comforted, rocking both the children the best he could. “That mean man isn’t going to hurt you, I’ll make sure of it.”

 

Yuuto’s whimpers started to calm down, and Izaya felt a relieved smile climb up his face. He started feeding Kana, and continued,”You know, Yuuto, I think he’s just jealous that he doesn’t have anybody to take care of him, that he probably pushed away everyone close and ended up here.” 

 

The insult took a turn, and Izaya felt his heart twist.  _ Just like me… _ He realized, and cringed at the thought. 

 

“S-still! He yelled at babies! Who does that?!” He forced out,”I’ll tell you who: Jerks do that.” 

 

Both the newborns had their eyes open, staring at their father with rapt attention. Izaya, suddenly feeling a need to, kept talking,”A-and I guess I was a jerk too… But sometimes you have to be a jerk when someone else is.” 

 

_ Like Shizuo was when you were ruining his life!  _ The voice snapped again, making the guilt in his mind grow. 

 

“Sometimes.. You find out that you were actually the jerk.. And you want to say sorry.. But it’s too late,” The raven softly continued,”And then other things come along.. And you can’t say sorry.” 

 

Izaya’s eyes burned, and he forced himself to take a deep breath. “I can’t go back and see Shizu-chan, I have you two to look after. But, if I ever see him again, I’ll tell him that I’m sorry. It’s the least I can do…”

The raven stopped himself, his own red eyes widening.  _ What did I just say?  _ He wondered, turning his eyes back to the newborns. Kana stared at him a little longer, before closing her eyes and leaning closer against her father. Yuuto followed in suit, and the warm feeling within Izaya’s chest exploded even bigger. 

 

A smile rose on Izaya’s face. “You two, even though you were crying so much.. You still somehow make me feel so much better.”

 

Even though it had only been a single day, Izaya knew he would do anything for his little family. 

 

— — — — — — 

 

A few weeks went by, and Izaya fell into a routine. Things got easier routine-wise, but it still remained just as difficult as before. 

 

Every one to two hours the babies would need something. Food, diaper change, or just to be held, and then fall back asleep. 

 

His neighbor continued to be an ass about the crying. He came over every single night to complain about the crying, and Izaya was getting more and more irritated with him as time went on. It was to the point that Izaya would simply pick up his children (along with whatever they needed) and go to the rotten bench anytime they started to cry at night. 

 

The neighbor, of course, decided to make Izaya’s life even more hellish. During the day, he would play loud music that sometimes even shook things in Izaya’s apartment, and yell loudly. Then, he would have the audacity to yell at the babies for crying. 

 

But, of course, as if that wasn’t stressful enough, his resources began to dwindle. The only baby supplies he had was what Munkata left in the bag, and it was running out faster than he planned. 

 

So, Izaya was forced to take a unplanned trip to the store. Since he didn’t have a babysitter, and he sure as hell didn’t trust his neighbor not to do anything, he took the babies with him. 

 

He wandered through the large store, Kana asleep in the baby carrier attached to the trolley, while Yuuto clung to him. The raven was pretty sure it was quite the image to onlookers. A disheveled twenty four year old man with heavy bags under his eyes, wrinkled clothes, and two babies.

 

Izaya focused on the needs of the babies first, placing a box of diapers and baby formula into the trolley before heading over to get things for himself.

 

Unfortunately, Izaya was suddenly forced to face the realization of just how poor he was. Just before he got to the checkout line, he counted the cash he still had, and realized that he couldn’t afford to buy everything. 

 

A worried frown grew on his face, and he turned back down to the items in his cart. Instantly, he knew what he needed to do.

 

_ I can live without food for a few days, they can’t.  _ With a defeated sigh, the raven went back around the store, dropping off everything he couldn’t afford. In the end, he was left with the baby supplies, and a few cups of instant noodles. 

 

When Izaya arrived home, he packed away the meager supplies, and sighed. The raven felt ashamed that he wasn’t able to provide better. He looked down at the newborns, on the sorry excuse of a cot, and held their tiny hands.

 

“I’m sorry…” He whispered,”Even when I’m trying to do something good, I can’t do it right. I’m so sorry…”

 

His hand started to shake, eyes beginning to blur, but he quickly wiped them away. “I-I’ll find a way to provide for us, I’ll find a job that won’t get in the way of taking care of you. We’ll be okay, I’ll make sure we’re okay.”

 

_Somehow.._

_  
_

 

_..._

_  
_

 

_Well… There is… One thing.._

_  
_

 

\-- -- -- -- -- --

With the babies resting in his room, Izaya started the the number in his contacts. One he hadn’t touched in a long time.  _ Shiki.. _

 

Taking a deep breath, Izaya pressed the green call button by his name, placing the phone to his ear. He listened to the long, torturous ringing that seemed to drag on for hours and hours…

 

Finally, there was a click. Someone picked up!

 

…

 

But they weren’t talking.

 

It was complete and utter silence. It scared the raven, because Shiki was usually firm and feirce when it came to anything. The strange quiet responder finally gave Izaya enough fear. The raven slowly, hesitantly, called,”H-hello..?”

 

_“Izaya”_

_  
_

 

It was the cool, calm voice of his ex-boss that responded. It was deep, and rough. Instantly, Izaya’s heart stopped, eyes going wide, skin as pale as snow. That voice.. It wasn’t Shiki’s… It was… It was  _ him _ .

 

It was Shizuo.

 

Izaya’s vision began to fade in and out, hand trembling violent, heart pounding in fear. But the man on the other end was silent… Until he said one, final word. 

 

_“Goodbye.”_

_  
_

 

Memories exploded in front of the raven’s eyes. Shizuo slamming him through the window, their battle surrounded by all those Saika, the flash, his broken arms, the knife, the gun…

 

_“Goodbye.”_

_  
_

 

All because of him, his stupid obsession with humans, his stupid informant broking. Shizuo was right, he deserved it all. Izaya was the monster, and now he knew.. He was going to come, he was going to kill Izaya. He was going to die, and it was all his fault.

 

It’s all my fault.. It’s all my fault..”

 

****

**_“G O O D B Y E.”_ **

**_  
_  
**

 

“NO!!”

 

A bloodcurdling scream ripped through Izaya’s chest, his phone being thrown straight across the tiny room. His hands then clutched at his chest, heaving frantic breaths. It burned as the tears fell from his eyes, desperately trying to stop himself from falling into the depths of unconsciousness.

 

“I-I c-can’t! I  _ can’t! _ ” He sobbed, grabbing at his hair this time. “Never again! Never again! I’m not a monster! I’m not! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

 

Izaya cumbled to the ground, completely defeated. It felt as if all his life force had been completely diminished. Those memories were still fresh in his mind, stabbing at his brittle heart, breaking it even more than it already was.

 

“Hello? Hello???”

 

The raven lurched back into a sitting position, red rimmed eyes snapping towards the phone still alight on the ground. It was Shiki… It was his voice, but all it filled the raven with was disgust and hatred.

 

No, he didn’t want to go back. He couldn’t go back to his old, disgusting ways. If the raven went back, he found turn into a monster all over again. He couldn’t let that happen, not when he was still learning what love is, not when he had his little ones. They needed him,  they were the only ones he had, they were all that mattered.

 

A resolve suddenly grabbed Izaya’s muscles, helping him back to his feet and over to the now-cracked screen of his mobile device.

 

“Is this some kind of prank?!” Shiki’s annoyed voice demanded. The raven didn’t even bother trying to respond, he had nothing to say. 

 

Without hesitation, he pressed the red button, blocking, and deleting his ex-boss’ number, cutting off his last contact to Ikebukuro. To his old life.

 

Never again.

\-- -- -- -- -- --

 

About two weeks later, Izaya was no closer to success. He’d been searching all over as best he could with his crappy phone and two newborns, but he couldn’t seem to find a job that would work. They didn’t provide daycare, or demanded hours that wouldn't work at all for the raven. 

 

Izaya had been sitting on his couch, flicking through several jobs while trying to find one that worked for single parents (and not finding any good results) when the screaming started. 

 

He jumped, turning towards where he heard the noise coming from. The yelling continued, along with the sound of shattering glass. 

 

The raven groaned, rubbing at his face.  _ Of course.. Why do they have to argue now!? I just put Yuuto and Kana down for- _

 

As if they knew their father was thinking of them, the tiny cries reached his ears. Panic jolted through Izaya.  _ If they stop arguing and he hears them crying, it’s not going to be pretty.  _

 

He quickly grabbed a blanket, two pacifiers, and went to his bedroom. Picking up the sobbing children, he hurried away from the apartment building as fast as he could. 

 

Of course, the raven was unable to hide his curiosity for long. He turned back towards the building just in time to hear someone screech “Don’t you fucking dare!” and see a chair go flying out of their apartment door. 

 

Izaya rolled his eyes, turning them back down to the sniffling babies. “You see? That’s what happens when you have no anger management, and when you hang out with the wrong people.” He taught the one month olds. 

 

The teary eyes stared at him intently, and the small family jumped once more as the screeching continued. 

 

“Well, it doesn’t sound like they’re going to stop for a while…” He gently declared,”So, we’re gonna go to the park! A nice outing, lots of fresh air!” 

 

Ignoring the shattering of innocent furniture behind him, Izaya quickly trekked further into the city of Osaka; towards Nagai park. 

 

— — — — — — 

 

The trees were in full bloom, cherry blossoms floating through the air like pink confetti. There were many people around, enjoying their day near the nature they were proud to have. 

 

Izaya found himself unable to stop the smile from climbing up his face as he watched the two infants stared up at the cherry blossoms. “Beautiful, aren’t they?” He softly questioned. 

 

His little ones continued to stare at the trees in awe. Once he found an empty spot in the grass, he placed the blanket down and settled down with the twins. 

 

The raven placed them down on their backs, letting them stare up at the cherry trees with wonder. Such a sight filled him with sadness once more.  _ Kana and Yuuto would probably love having a mobile over their crib… Or a crib.. But I can’t afford any of that _ . 

 

The guilt the overflowed him was enough do drown a city.  _ I can’t afford it because of my stupid choices. I can’t give them anything they should have..  _

 

Izaya felt his eyes burning, and quickly went to wipe the tears away. He didn’t want to cry when he was trying to make his kids feel better, the little ones always seemed to know if he was upset. 

 

Just as he calmed himself down, another small sniffling caught his ears. His red eyes looked towards his two infants, but they still were as calm as can be still, staring at the pink trees. 

 

The raven looked back up, his curiosity sending the inquisitive eyes to search the crowds. Through all the talking groups, he was able to see a small child roaming through the groups. 

 

The child’s eyes were covered in unshed tears as he scurried past people, frantically looking for something.. Or someone. 

 

Izaya had observed humans long enough to know what was going through the child’s head.  _ Lost, confused, scared.  _

 

The raven didn’t really understand what pushed him to do what he did next. He stood, holding his own little ones, and went over to the small child. His teary brown eyes turned up to the raven, sniffling a small bit.

 

Izaya gave a reassuring smile, kneeling down to the child’s height. “Are you alright?” He asked, ignoring the voice in his head yelling at him for letting his facade down. It had been gone for a long time.

 

The brown haired child sniffled again, eyes growing moist once more as he, shook his head. “M’lost… I can’t.. M’lost!” He frantically exclaimed, tears falling like waterfalls.

 

The raven quickly switched to the voice he used when his own infants were crying. “Hey, hey,” He softly whispered,”It’s gonna be alright. I’ll help you.”

 

“Y-you will?” The child asked in shock. 

 

“Yes I am,” Izaya answered,”But I’ll need you to help me too. Can you tell me where we need to go?”

 

The child quickly nodded. “L-little Ducklings Daycare!” He exclaimed,”We were on a trip! I got lost!”

 

“Well, then that’s where we’ll go!” Izaya replied cheerfully,”I’m sure they’re looking for you as we speak! So, let’s go sit at my blanket, I’ll call them to let them know.”

 

The child’s brown eyes sparkled with hope, nodding feverishly. The quartet went back to Izaya’s spot and he set the babies down, pulling his phone out to search for the daycare the child mentioned.

 

As he typed, the much calmer little boy hummed a bit, and turned towards him. “My name’s Suzuki Kaito,” He mentioned.

 

Izaya turned his red eyes towards him for a moment, softly replying,”My name is Orihara Izaya.”

 

Kaito’s face scrunched up. “That’s a weird name,” He innocently returned, making the raven arch his eyebrow towards him.

 

“Well, I don’t know about weird. I’d say that it’s… Eccentric!” Izaya cheerfully replied, causing Kaito to give him a confused look, muttering the word ‘eccentric’ to himself. 

 

Izaya released a happy noise, finding the number for the daycare. He called it, making sure to put on speaker for the child. Almost instantly, it went to voicemail. Kaito whimpered worriedly, turning his brown eyes back up to the raven.

 

“What we gonna do?” He questioned.

 

Izaya tried to give a reassuring smile, but he wasn’t used to giving or getting those. Although that probably didn’t help the child, Izaya knew what might. “Well, if they won’t come to us. We’ll go to them!” He declared.

 

He went back to the search page, typing in the daycare’s address and putting on his directions. The voice on his phone quickly answered,”Starting route to Little Ducklings Daycare.”

 

Kaito’s eyes widened, and Izaya held out the phone. “I have to hold my babies, so I need you to be super duper brave and take the lead, okay?” He asked.

 

“Okay! I’m the leader!” The child exclaimed excitedly, grabbing the raven’s phone and stomping forward proudly. Izaya, knowledgeable of the dangerous people that lurked in Osaka, was quick to follow.

 

The first few times the phone would order them to go left or right, Kaito turned to him in confusion. Izaya would then direct him where to go, and the child would take off once more. It took about twenty minutes, but they made it.

 

The daycare was rainbow colored, with pictures of ducklings on the sign. Kaito squealed in excitement, dashing over to the door. He knocked on it frantically.

 

“We’re closed!” A short, angry voice yelled.

 

Kaito frowned, knocking again. This time, they weren’t even graced with a response. The child looked towards Izaya desperately, so the raven moved closer to the door. “Excuse me? I have-”

 

The door was suddenly thrown open, and the raven was met with the sight of a short, angry old woman. “I SAID WE’RE-” She then froze, steel grey eyes turning to the small child in front of her. “KAITO!”   
  


She knelt down, scooping up the child and hugging him tight. “Oh, darling! I was so worried! We’ve been looking everywhere for you! Where did you go?!”                         
  
“M’sorry!” Kaito cried,”I got lost! W-when I turned around, sensei was gone! But then Mr. Izaya helped me get here! I was the leader!”

 

The woman’s eyes widened behind her glasses, turning to look over at the raven. Her eyes seemed to scan him up and down, landing on Yuuto and Kana momentarily. “You helped him get back here?” She questioned,”Even when you had those two to worry about?”

 

Izaya tried his best to shrug without dropping the infants. “I know what it’s like to worry about my kids, it was the least I could do,” He responded.

 

Her eyes softened, staring at Izaya with what seemed like pity. Izaya couldn’t blame her, it was obvious how stressed out he was. The woman turned, putting Kaito down. “Head on inside, Kaito, have one of the teachers call your mother, alright?”

 

“Okay!” The child chirped, quickly shoving Izaya’s phone back in the raven’s hand. “Bye Mr. Izaya!”

 

“Bye Kaito,” The raven calmly replied.

 

Once the door had shut, the old woman turned back to Izaya. “Thank you so much, young man,” She graciously declared,”I don’t know what we would have done if you hadn’t found him. This city is so big, we were just about to call the police!”

 

“I’m just doing what any parent would have done,” Izaya replied smoothly.

 

“Even so, to take the time even when you have your own little ones… How selfless of you!” She praised, causing Izaya to halt in surprise as red crawled up his cheeks. He’d never been called that word.

 

The children in his arms suddenly began to move around, angry whimpers coming from their mouths. Izaya quickly turned to her and softly answered,”W-well.. Um. I should go now. They’re getting fussy.”

 

Just as he turned around, the woman softly said,”You know… We’re hiring. We offer childcare too, since we’re a daycare. After the service you just did for me, I think your interview might be very easy.”

 

By the time the raven looked back to where she had been, the door was swinging shut. Part of him was insulted that she was able to so easily guess that he was unemployed, while another part of him was shocked that she so readily offered him a job.

 

A small glimmer of hope appeared in Izaya’s mind. Maybe he would be able to pay rent and buy food, maybe he would be able to get his children the things they deserved. Maybe…

 

Maybe everything was going to be okay.

 

\-- -- -- -- -- --

 

_I’m not so sure about this anymore…_

_  
_

 

It took less than a week for him to get the job, but he suspected that the old woman, Kamizuka Ahiru, had a lot to do with that. Now, Izaya was standing next to Ahiru, clad in a blue apron, staring at the group of rambunctious children.

 

He felt a little overwhelmed, especially since his own little ones had been taken to the infant room. It was the first time they had been apart since Mukata brought them. I hope they’re doing okay without me.

 

Ahiru suddenly clapped her hands together, getting the attention of the little ones. “Alright everybody! We have a new helper joining us! His name is Orihara Izaya, I hope you all behave for him!” She explained.

 

The children stared at Izaya silently, and the raven felt extremely nervous.  _ What if they don’t like me? What if I end up getting fired? I can’t afford to lose this job- _

 

A small hand suddenly made contact with his own. He turned his eyes down, catching sight of a messy blonde haired girl. She smiled excitedly, and began to tug on his hand even more. “Come paint with me Izaya-kun!” She exclaimed.

 

As soon as the one brave child spoke to him, the chatter returned. Izaya gave a relieved smile, nodding happily. “I’d love to,” He answered softly. 

 

The child’s face lit up even more, and she quickly dragged Izaya away. He looked back at Ahiru, who gave the raven a gentle nod, and moved to help another worker.

 

Izaya turned back to the child, who was now excitedly plastering paint all over a canvas while chatting excitedly to him. A few others soon joined them, and the raven found himself releasing a big sigh, relaxing for the first time in months. 

 

For the first time in a while, Izaya knew that they were going to be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please comment and kudos, I love interracting with readers!
> 
> Next Chapter: Izaya and his children's lives continue to change.


	4. To Grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this took so long, life has been pretty hectic. I hope you all enjoy!

Izaya had never been so thankful to get a paycheck before. 

 

The happiness and relief of having money to pay for rent and buy food completely overflowed his heart and instincts, but he managed to stop himself from running into the store and blowing all the cash at once.

 

Izaya reminded himself of his situation once more. He wasn’t a rich and powerful informant broker anymore, he was a single parent who who had been disowned by the only family he had, and only had a simple job at a daycare. He could no longer ignore consequences, because this time around there would be some.

 

So, after the twins were put to sleep, he saw down and wrote out a budget for himself and his small family. He decided what he could spend on food, clothes, and baby essentials. He also set a little aside as savings in case of emergencies; an idea that came to him after hearing his neighbor have another screaming match with someone earlier in the day.

 

Finally, he was able to afford a crib for his little ones. He bought them new pacifiers and a few sets of clothing, and even some toys. When it came time to get himself some food, he realized that he’d spent most of it on food and clothes for the twins.

 

But Izaya couldn’t bring himself to switch items out of his cart, the children deserved to feel comfortable and happy. Izaya could survive until his next check. He grabbed the cheapest options for himself. The health of his babies was more important. 

 

The incident brought up another realization for Izaya: he wouldn’t be able to take care of his kids as they grew up if he stayed at the daycare. Sure, it was helpful now that they were infants… But what would he do when they needed to go to middle school? High school? And Izaya himself sure as hell didn’t want to stay in the shoddy apartment he had, with a neighbor that would probably kill him and the kids if he knew he would get away with it.

 

The raven knew he had to change things… But the only way to do that was to make more money. He had to get a second job if he was going to make things work. 

 

— — — — — — —

 

“No you are NOT!” 

 

Ahiru and Izaya sat across from each other, the woman’s arms crossed and eyes narrowed as she stared Izaya down. The raven was pale and shaking, desperate to make her understand his point. 

 

“But- But I won’t be able to take care of them when they get older if I don’t have enough income to afford it!” Izaya frantically said,”I have to get another job!”

 

The woman pointed at him and firmly said,”Izaya that is not happening! You do realize that if  you are working two jobs, most likely every single day by the way, you’d barely even be able to be with your kids, let alone take care of them  _ or _ yourself!” 

 

Izaya opened his mouth to argue back… But he found he had nothing to say. The raven knew that she was right, if he tried to handle raising kids and two jobs, the only thing he would succeed in doing was running himself into the ground.

 

He frowned, leaning forward in his chair, and burying his face in his hands. “What am I going to do?” He croaked, feeling wet tears hit his palms. 

 

Ahiru didn’t respond at first, she simply looked at the depressed man with her own sadness. She thought for a moment, then calmly asked,”Izaya, did you go to college?” 

 

Izaya calmed his tears and rubbed his eyes before he replied,”I did… But I only have a bachelor's degree and… Well, I went straight into not very legal types of jobs… When I was trying to find a job before you hired me, nobody was very impressed...”

 

The older woman didn’t respond to his saddened words. Instead, she grabbed a piece of paper and began scribbling some things down. She placed her pen down with a satisfied noise, and slid it over to Izaya. 

 

The raven grabbed it by the edge, looking at what it had written. It was a hastily scribbled list of what looked like names and addresses that were located around the daycare and Izaya’s apartment complex. “What is this for?” He asked, not completely understanding. 

 

“These are a list of Universities that are taking admissions right now. You’re going to find a University and start taking classes,” Ahiru declared,”And when you do, I’ll help you pay for whatever you can’t afford and move your hours to accommodate that, okay?”

 

Izaya couldn’t believe what he was hearing, she was really willing to help him this much? He didn’t know if he would ever be able to repay her kindness, the kindness he didn’t deserve. All he could do was frantically wipe his eyes of the tears that were threatening to return and whisper,”Thank you… You have no clue how much this means to me.”

 

To his surprise, Ahiru smiled. “I understand much more than you think, Izaya,” She declared,”I was in the same situation as you were a long time ago, and it was only thanks to the kindness of others that I was able to get to where I am today. So don’t thank me, simply pay it forward.”

 

When he returned home that day, he looked over the list with hope and courage. Yes, Ahiru was right. He was going to go back to college, he was going to become so qualified that nobody would dare deny him a job! 

 

Then, he would be able to provide for his kids no matter what they needed. He would be the parent that they deserved, and the one he never had. 

 

He looked down at the crib where his two babies were, holding each other’s hands and looking just as relaxed as Izaya felt. 

 

The raven reached down, gently running his thumb across their cheeks and letting his heart swell with love when they leaned into the touch. “Don’t worry, you two,” He whispered,”I’ll work hard and make sure that I can take care of you both no matter what.” 

 

— — — — — —

Three Years Later

— — — — — —

 

Life had become rather hectic for Izaya, so much so that sometimes he wanted to just give up completely; He kept going, though, because he knew Kana and Yuuto needed him to. 

 

His classes were hard work, but he managed to get moved into higher courses pretty quickly and skip a lot of the beginning courses. But of course, the downside of that was a bigger workload. He often had to stay up late in order to get through all the homework. 

 

Working at the daycare was still fun, unless he had to deal with the angry customers. Luckily, Ahiru had a spine of steel and didn’t take kindly to her employees being treated badly and always got the last laugh when it came to arguments.

 

And his apartment… It was just hell. That same neighbor that yelled at Kana and Yuuto for crying when they were newborns didn’t take kindly to anything the kids were doing. Izaya remembered several terrifying instances of that man’s violent behavior. 

 

— — — — — — 

 

The first time it genuinely scared Izaya was when the twins were five months old. Yuuto and Kana had been teething, so they were up late crying quite a bit. Kana was a little easier to calm down, but Yuuto...

 

Izaya had just entered into his advanced classes and was already tired from the workload, but he set everything aside to take them into his arms and try to help them calm down. 

 

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” He whispered quietly, rubbing his finger over his son’s gums to try and calm him down. But Yuuto just kept on crying. 

Then all of a sudden, there was a bang on the door. Izaya jumped, his heart rate skyrocketing. Yuuto began to cry even louder, obviously the noise panicked him too. 

 

The raven knew very well who was banging on his door, so he reluctantly put Yuuto back in the crib and shut the door before going to his front door. He took a deep breath and waited for the banging to cease before he opened the door the smallest bit. 

 

It was the same man as always, his beady black eyes were bloodshot and seemed to bore into Izaya’s soul. His hair was a tangled mess, and he was wearing a torn dress shirt. His arm was raised to bang on the door again, but he didn’t lower it when he saw Izaya. In fact, he seemed to get angrier. 

 

“How many times have I told you to shut those brats up!?” He snarled. 

 

Izaya frowned, and quickly shot back. “And how many times have I said that they’re babies and that’s what babies do?”

 

The man growled, revealing yellow teeth underneath his cracked lips. “You talk a lot of shit for a scrawny rat,” He spat,”If you don’t shut them up, I’ll do it myself and then you’ll be sorry for mouthing off.” 

 

He then kicked the door for good measure and then stormed away. Izaya quickly shut the door, his face pale and hands shaking. Even though it could have been empty words, Izaya was still scared of the man. 

 

He looked around and then caught sight of his old couch; He quickly moved it in front of his front door for extra safety, and hurried back to his babies. 

 

Even though Kana had just calmed down, Izaya still picked them both up and held them close to his chest, sitting in the corner furthest from the door. 

 

“I’m sorry you guys…” He whispered,”It’s all my fault that we’re here… I promise, we’ll get out of this place soon. We’ll be safe soon…”

 

— — — — — — —

 

There were still good times, although they were few and far between. But there were a few Izaya would remember forever, like when Kana and Yuuto took their first steps and especially when they said their first words. 

 

It was when the little ones were about a year old, so they were causing quite a bit of trouble. They now toddled all around the apartment, so Izaya had to skip out on some meals to baby proof. 

 

They also babbled a lot to each other and to Izaya, who made sure to respond as though it was an actual conversation. There hadn’t been any words… Until one day.

 

Izaya’s finals were in the morning, so he hadn’t gotten to the daycare until the afternoon. By the time he headed there, he was exhausted and stressed. 

 

He was terrified that he had failed his finals, that he would be pushed back down into the normal classes and have to spend more time and money than he could afford. He didn’t care if Ahiru said she could afford the extra classes, he didn’t want her to waste her money on him. 

 

All the emotions he was feeling melted away when he walked inside the door. As he was getting on his apron, he heard squeals of excitement that caught his eye. 

 

He then saw his two little ones toddling towards him as fast as he could, they had both already grown so much. Kana’s black hair now reached her chin and was pretty untamable, and Yuuto’s hair was a dark brown and matched Izaya’s straight hair more. Their read eyes gleamed with excitement. 

 

Then, when Kana finally reached his side, she raised her hands up and yelled,”Daddy!” 

 

Izaya felt his heart stop, and then a grin climbed up his face. “Kana! Your first word!” He exclaimed, picking her up from underneath her arms and raising her high in the air. “My little girl’s first words!” 

 

He twirled her around, gaining a peal of giggles from her, and hugged her tightly. Then, he felt a tugging on his pant leg. Little Yuuto was looking at him frantically and excitedly, and raised his own arms up as well. 

 

Izaya smiled, and transferred Kana to one arm so he could life Yuuto up with the other one. “Do you have anything to say, Yuuto?” The raven asked curiously. 

 

Yuuto stared at him blankly for several seconds, and then as seriously as a one year old could muster, declared,”Banana.” 

 

Izaya let out a little snort before he burst out laughing, hugging the two close and feeling their little arms return the favor. “I love you guys,” He whispered for only them to hear. 

 

Any stress and sadness he had been feeling was completely melted away, all thanks to his little ones. 

 

— — — — — —

 

The next two years were still rough. As the kids grew more curious, Izaya had to find ways to keep them quieter lest they face the wrath of their hateful neighbor. 

 

Even though he tried his best, Izaya still wasn’t able to protect them from seeing or hearing the neighbors arguing, screaming, the occasional gunshots, and the slamming at their front door. 

 

Of course, as the twins grew up there were many days where Izaya had to skip out on eating to make sure they could have what they needed. Whether that be high chairs to their first toddler beds, he found a way. 

 

But he didn’t let the fear or worry of money stop him. Instead, he made sure they were outside of the apartment spending time as a family more often and kept up with his schoolwork in his spare time. 

 

Then finally, after nearly three and a half years, Izaya made it, he got a master’s degree. Even better, he was able to land a job almost right away! He still was replaying the memory in his head, completely in awe. 

 

— — — — — — 

 

It had been after the graduation ceremony, in front of the university. While many of the other graduates were hanging out with their parents and siblings, Izaya was off on his own with his two little ones. 

 

“The tree is pink!” Kana excitedly said, pointing up at the many beautiful trees that surrounded the university. 

 

Izaya smiled, reaching up and pulling off a few of the lower cherry blossoms. “They are!” He agreed, kneeling down to her level. ”Here you go, Kana.” 

 

Kana’s gasped in shock, staring at the little flower with a dropped jaw. She then squealed happily and continued to stare at it. 

 

Izaya then turned to his son and handed him one too, smiling. The little boy smiled, and quickly put it in his hair. “Is it pretty?” He asked. 

 

“Yes it is, and so are you,” Izaya said, pulling both Kana and Yuuto in a hug. “Both of you.” 

 

The two hugged him back for a few moments before Kana wiggled out of his grasp and then grabbed some of the cherry blossoms from the grass. She then began to put them in Izaya’s hair. 

 

“Daddy’s gonna look pretty too!” She declared. Yuuto then gasped, realizing what his sister was doing and then began grabbing some flowers as well and helping her place flowers in Izaya’s hair. 

 

Izaya, in return, began to placing flowers in their hair as well. He even found himself giggling along with him. 

 

“Oh, so these are the little ones I’ve been heard so much about,” A familiar voice said, making Izaya jump. 

 

He looked behind him and realized exactly who it was.  _ My biology professor! _ He realized, quickly getting to his feet and turning around. Kana and Yuuto quickly hid behind him, shyly looking at the teacher from around Izaya’s legs.

 

“Hello Mr. Yamaguchi, it’s nice to see you,” Izaya nervously said. 

 

The older man simply chuckled at the kids, and turned his caramel colored eyes back up to Izaya. “I’m happy that you’re graduating, Izaya, you were by far the hardest worker in my class,” He said. 

 

Izaya smiled at the praise, and placed his hands on his kids’ heads. “Thank you, sir, but I’m just happy that I’ll be able to provide for my kids better,” He replied. 

 

“With your work ethic, I have no doubt in that,” The Professor praised,”Have you found a job yet? I know the hunt can be difficult.”

 

Izaya resisted the urge to groan in agreement and answered,”I’ve been looking around and found a few places. Just waiting for responses now.” 

 

“Well, that’s good! I know you’ll get hired in no time!” Yamaguchi cheerfully said, and then casually added,”You know, I heard that the biology professor at Osaka University is looking for a new associate professor…”

 

Izaya frowned in confusion, looking at the older man. “But… That’s you?” He asked, and Yamaguchi's smile got wider in return. Izaya then gasped, catching on. “Oh….” 

 

Yamaguchi laughed at his former student’s realization and declared,”I’ll be looking for your resume on my desk.” 

 

— — — — — —

 

The raven couldn’t believe his luck, such a job would let him not only support his kids but also be able to spend time with him. 

 

Sure enough, he took his resume to his old professor and less than a week later he found out that he got the job. 

 

As soon as Ahiru heard, she gave him a huge hug, took Kana and Yuuto, and then ordered him to go out and celebrate.

 

At first, Izaya’s celebration was just going to be chilling in his apartment with a container of ice cream but then his coworkers heard Ahiru speaking to him and demanded that they celebrate with him. 

 

They ended up going to a karaoke bar, where several people sang, drank, and they simply had a blast. 

 

Izaya himself didn’t need a drink to make the night better, he simply enjoyed the time he was able to spend with people he could call friends… That was something he hadn’t been able to do for a while.

 

Near the end of the night, the few coworkers that were still sober sat down and helped Izaya look around for some apartments for rent in the safer parts of the city. He even narrowed down which ones that not only looked the best to him, but also had the best location. He was already growing excited to move.

 

Perhaps it was the openness of the night that made him admit to his friends that his complex was a less than desirable place and that the person he hesitated to call a ‘neighbor’ was also not the most desirable person either. 

 

Izaya was so used to it that he simply laughed as he recalled some of the events to them, but the others looked worried. 

 

“I think you should find a new apartment as soon as possible, Izaya,” One of them, an older girl named Ayame, said,”That sounds really dangerous.”

 

The others nodded in agreement, and Izaya felt a bit of his fear rise up. “I know…” He admitted,”As soon as I get my first paycheck from my new job, we’re moving. That’s right around when my lease should end.”

 

The others looked very relieved at his statement. Then another one of them, Akihito if Izaya remembered correctly, added,”But you’d still better visit, okay Izaya? It won’t feel the same without you!” 

 

Izaya grinned, feeling the warmth in his heart all over again. He nodded as he replied,”Of course I’ll visit! As much as possible! After all, I still want Kana and Yuuto to be there until they start school.”

 

The small group of coworkers looked very excited about the prospect of Izaya still being around, and Izaya himself was very happy that they still wanted him around. 

 

A little while later they left, and Izaya decided that he would go back to his apartment and get changed before he picked up his three year olds so that they could have a family outing.

 

“Make sure to text me when you get back, okay?” Akihito asked him,”I’ll be at the daycare so I’ll be able to let Ahiru know that you made it home safe and you are on your way.”

 

Izaya nodded, and then waved goodbye as he headed back home. For the first time in a long time, he felt happy and free. He didn’t think anything could ruin this day for him. 

 

— — — — — — 

 

But when he got back to the rotting complex, Izaya got a strange feeling… As if something was wrong. 

 

He stopped at the edge of the stairs, listening in for any noises that would warn him of danger… But he didn’t hear anything. 

 

With a frown on his face, Izaya slowly pulled out his phone and started to creep up the stairs. Every time they creaked (which was often) he jumped and looked around before he continued further.

 

When he made it to his apartment door, he let out a frantic gasp. His door was wide open, and splintered in the middle.  _ Someone robbed me!?  _

 

He quickly dialed the police, and walked into the apartment. Things were torn apart, the window was shattered, his couch was in shreds, some of the walls had holes in them. A few of his more valuable items, like the television, were shattered.

 

The raven then heard a click on he end of his phone. “What’s your emergency?” A voice asked. 

 

“Um… I was robbed, all my stuff has been destroyed, I live in apartment 2B of the complex by the-“ Izaya began, but cut himself off when he saw movement from the tiny hallway. 

 

Then, emerging from the twins’ room was his neighbor. Izaya’s eyes widened in shock, all his fear returning at once.  _ Those threats weren’t empty…  _ The raven realized. 

 

“Where are they…” The man slurred,”I’ll kill em… I’ll shut them up! I’ll shut them up forever!” 

 

_ Kana and Yuuto! He’s after them!  _ Izaya realized, his eyes moving to look towards the door.  _ I need to get put before he sees me!  _

 

Before he raven could make a move, the man whipped around. His pupils were huge, and something was gleaming in his hand…. It was a gun.

 

Izaya could feel his heart pounding against his chest. Images of Varona and Shizuo flashing in front of his eyes as his chest heaved, and the phone slipped from his grasp, clattering to the floor. 

 

“You…” The man snarled,”You fucking punk! You never shut up! You never listened to me! Now… Now you’re gonna pay!” 

 

He charged forward, and Izaya let out a cry of terror. The raven couldn’t get to the door, that would involve running right at the maniac. Instead, he grabbed the metal lamp that had been left rather untouched and threw it as hard as he could at the man. 

 

He heard a thunk and a cry of pain, and saw the man crash to the ground.  _ My phone! I have to let them know!  _ Izaya frantically thought, running towards it only for a strong grasp to wrap around his leg and knock him to the ground. 

 

The raven cried out in panic, he could feel the jagged nails on the man’s hand digging into his skin. He quickly twisted around and aimed his free foot at the man’s face, pulled back, and slammed it right into the middle as hard as he could. 

 

The man yelled in pain again, and his grip loosened the slightest bit; This gave Izaya the chance to rip his leg out of the man’s grasp.

 

Izaya took the opportunity scramble to his feet, grab his phone, and run out the door and down the stairs. “Please help!” He cried,”He’s got a gun! The apartment complex is-“ A sudden, loud bang made his ears ring. Everything faded away and went numb for several seconds…

 

The next thing Izaya knew, he was on the ground. He heard sirens and frantic voices, but everything sounded like it was underwater. On the concrete by him, he saw something red spreading across the ground. _ Blood? Why am I bleeding? _

 

He had no time to figure out for sure, because his view was obstructed when someone’s face moved in front of him. Their face was completely blurry, he couldn’t make out a single feature.  _ Why are they so fuzzy?  _ He wondered.  _ And why am I so tired? _

 

“Sir! Please stay awake! Don’t close your eyes!” A firm voice yelled, but Izaya found that he couldn’t listen to their demands. He was just… So tired… He needed to rest. He could stay awake later, he just needed to sleep for a little while…

 

Just for a little while…


	5. To Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izaya and his family as the times pass.

The next time Izaya woke up, things were quiet. He felt groggy and sore, every muscle was screaming but he felt strangely numb at the exact same time. 

 

For a few minutes, he felt like he was in a limbo. There was a beeping next to him, but it sounded like he was underwater. His vision was so blurry that he couldn’t make out anything, all he saw was white, white, white. 

 

_ What… What happened…?  _ He wondered, his fingers curling against the rough fabric underneath him. He forced his heavy eyelids open and shut, trying to clear his vision of the smudge that seemed to be blocking it.

 

The white slowly began to form actual things; He saw a window next to him with the pale curtains slightly parted, letting a little light into his room. He saw the white walls and realized where he was. 

 

Looking next to him, he saw that there was a heart monitor next to him. On his pale arm was the little white patch that connected him to an IV.  _ I’m in the hospital…  _ He realized. 

 

Izaya then forced his head to turn to the right, and saw a small table nearby with several flower vases placed on it… And two very familiar animals. 

 

The raven’s eyes widened the slightest bit. It was a Flaaffy and an Buizel plush, he had gotten them for Kana and Yuuto when they were two. 

 

_ Why are those here?  _ He curiously queried. He didn’t have to wonder for long, as it seemed that those plushies were what opened the floodgates. Everything rushed back to him at once. 

 

His neighbor… In his home… The fighting… The bang… The blood! Oh god, the blood! Kana and Yuuto! What if he got them?! What if he killed them!?

 

Izaya’s chest seized as he gulped in as much breath as he could, sending a spasm of pain through his body. The beeping got faster, but Izaya didn’t notice. He was thinking about the twins, his kids. Where were they?! Where were they?! 

 

The door to his room slid open and a nurse rushed in. She quickly noticed what was happening and hurried to his side, worry displayed across her face. 

 

“Sir, it’s okay. You’re safe, you’re in the hospital,” She calmly said,”There’s nobody here who wants to hurt you.” 

 

Her gentle tone broke through his panic a bit, he remembered the sirens… He remembered calling the cops.  _ So they probably caught him… He isn’t here _ . Izaya still wasn’t completely calm. 

 

“K-K-Kana… Y-Yuuto…” He ground out, his throat as dry as the Sahara Desert and as rough as sandpaper. He winced with every sound that he tried to make, but he still forced himself to talk; He had to know, he  _ needed _ to know. 

 

The nurse smiled kindly at him, giving a curious look. “Kana and Yuuto, those are your children, right?” She asked, gaining the tiniest incline of the raven’s head in return and an eager look from his ruby eyes. 

 

She smiled wider, and explained,”Your little ones are alright. An older woman has been keeping an eye on them while you’ve been here… I believe her name was Ahiru? She’s visited you four times already, and she brought those stuffies with her. She said Kana and Yuuto asked her to give them to you, to help you feel better.”

 

Izaya looked back at the stuffies and found that feelings of love and happiness smothered the panic away.  _ They’re okay, they’re worried about me, and Ahiru is taking care of them…  _ He thought, relieved.  _ Everyone is okay... _

 

The heart monitor had returned to a calm, gentle beeping and the nurse seemed just as relieved as him. She placed her clipboard on the table next to him and calmly said,”Since this is the first time you’ve woken up, I’m going to do your examination okay?”

 

Izaya didn’t really have a choice, so he let her check what she needed to. It only took a couple minutes, and it help Izaya realize that the main soreness he was feeling was around his stomach. As she was writing down something on her clipboard, he blearily said,”I got shot…”

 

“You did,” The nurse calmly agreed,”You were shot in the abdomen, and you were very very lucky. The ambulance brought you here just in time.” 

 

She undid his hospital gown down to his waist, revealing the bandages wrapped around his lower body. Izaya noticed that it seemed pretty high despite the fact he was shot in only once place. 

 

As she began to undo his bandages, he saw that on his right side was a wound much bigger than he had thought. “Why is…” He croaked out, his voice catching before he could continue. 

 

The nurse seemed to understand, as she grew a little pained. “You didn’t get out completely unscathed, I’m afraid,” She admitted,”The bullet badly grazed and damaged your right kidney too much, and the doctor was forced to remove it. But don’t worry! One kidney works just as good as one!” 

 

Izaya felt a little sick to his stomach, he didn’t know how he felt about hearing that. But, he felt a little relieved that nothing worse happened. 

 

“You’ve been unconscious for about two days, but that rest is good,” The nurse promised,”The more rest you get, the sooner you’ll get to go home.”

 

_ Home…  _ The word made him scared and angry. That shabby apartment wasn’t his home, it was a four year long nightmare where he ended up getting shot. It was everything  _ but  _ a home. 

 

He didn’t want to go back… But where else could he go? Since he had gotten paid, he had found some new apartments, but he’d never put down a deposit. Was he just supposed to go back to that pit of bad memories until he could manage to find a new place? 

 

Izaya let out a resigned sigh and continued listening to the nurse as he became overcome with saddened thoughts.  _ I don’t think I can do much of anything else…  _

 

The nurse finished her examinations, and Izaya started to feel drowsy again. She noticed right away, of course, and softly said,”It’s okay to rest again. I’ll wake you up when it’s time to eat.” 

 

The raven nodded the slightest bit, a blush coming up his cheeks as he gathered his courage. Before she could leave, he reached his shaky arm toward the table. “Please… Can I have those?” He quietly asked, looking at the stuffed animals. 

 

The young woman didn’t even hesitate, she quickly grabbed the stuffed dolls placed them on Izaya’s side.

 

“I’ll be back in a bit,” She said again, and then left the room while quietly sliding the door shut behind her. 

 

Izaya pulled those stuffed animals closer, already feeling more at ease when he was holding them. Despite his drowsiness, for a while he simply sat there and took some time to think. 

 

_ My kids will miss these if they’re gone for too long…. And they must be missing me if they were willing to give away their studies...  _ He mentioned to himself, a soft smile coming onto his face.  _ I guess I should get better as fast as I can, that way we can all be together again.  _

 

With that positive thought, Izaya allowed himself to fall back into a deep sleep. 

 

— — — — — — — 

 

It was a while before Izaya was able to leave the hospital, he lost count. The time seemed to drag on so long as he went through the physical therapy and recovery. 

 

As soon as he was able to walk again, he went to the restroom in his room and looked at the scar on his body. There were still stitches where the doctor did the surgery, but also a large wound where the bullet had entered and exited. It was going to scar… 

 

His hand unconsciously went to touch the other scar on his body; The place where  _ her  _ knife had been… When he’d nearly gotten shot… Now he had both. 

 

Those days were peppered with visits from Ahiru, who revealed that she had taken Kana and Yuuto into her new all-day program as she called it. The kids were, thankfully, fine. But Izaya still wanted to be with them. 

 

The older woman once again proved how much of a godsend she was, as she showed up with her laptop. They spent the whole visiting time searching at nearby open apartments so that Izaya and his little family never had to go back to that hellish place. 

 

It took them a couple of days, but they finally found one. It was near the college Izaya was going to teach at, and also near the elementary school and a kindergarten. He knew that was the one, that was where he wanted to live. 

His old landlord was easy when it came to leaving. He didn’t really care that Izaya didn’t want to come back, especially when Izaya said he could keep the deposit. They keys were in the flat, there was no reason for him to demand for Izaya to come back. 

 

The raven felt elated… He felt free. He wasn’t in that disgusting place anymore. He had survived, and now he could move on to someplace better. 

 

— — — — — —

 

Kana didn’t feel happy. Usually, she was excited to be with her brother at the daycare. But it had been so long… She missed her dad. 

 

Ahiru told her and Yuuto that Daddy had gotten really hurt, and so he needed to get better before they could all go home. 

 

After a couple of days, she got really sad. They both did. What if daddy never came back? What would they do without him? One of the meaner kids said that they would be put in an orphanage… Was that true? 

 

The little girl didn’t know what to think or what to do, all she really knew is that she wanted to go home. 

 

After what felt like forever and ever, it finally happened. Kana and her brother had been sadly placing some blocks now, not really making anything out of them. 

 

Some of the other parents started to come and get their kids, the two Orihara children didn’t even bother to turn and look for their father. They simply kept ‘playing’ with their blocks. 

 

Then the incredible happened; Just as the last few parents left they heard Ahiru ask,”Kana, Yuuto? Shouldn’t you be getting ready to go home? You don’t want to keep Dad waiting, do you?” 

 

Yuuto caught on faster than Kana did. He whipped around to look at the front of the daycare and gasped, dropping the block he had been holding. Curiously, Kana followed his gaze and gasped in shock too. 

 

It was… It was their dad! He was standing in the doorway with a wide smile on his tired face. 

 

“Daddy!!” The children yelled, throwing their toys aside and running as fast as they could to him. 

 

Izaya knelt down to meet them, hugging them tightly back in return. They stayed together like that for a long time, not wanting to part from each other. 

 

Eventually, Izaya brought himself back to a standing and softly said,”Go get your stuff, we’re going home.” 

 

The children quickly scurried over and grabbed their stuff, returning back to Izaya as fast as they could. With a nod at Ahiru, the raven led his children back outside. 

 

Kana quickly took his right hand, while Yuuto took his left. After a few minutes, Kana softly began,”Daddy?” 

 

“Yes?” Izaya asked the three year old, looking down at her with affection in his ruby orbs. 

 

“I love you,” She declared. 

 

Yuuto quickly tugged on his hand. “Me too! I love you!” He excitedly exclaimed. 

 

Izaya looked at both of them and then happily replied,”I love you too. Both of you.” 

 

The little family was whole again. 

 

— — — — — — — 

One Year Later 

— — — — — — —

 

During Kana and Yuuto’s final years of preschool, the tough topic finally had to be brought up. Izaya had always expected it to come up. 

 

They returned home from preschool that day, and excitedly showed Izaya what they’d done. They drew their families; and the twins had collaborated on a piece together that showed Izaya with them holding his hands in their favorite park. Of course, it was a little hard to make out since they were only four, but Izaya was proud nonetheless.

 

“This is really good! We’ll pin it on the fridge, okay?” He promised, excited to start putting things on it since they had only just bought a new one. They had been using a mini-fridge for a while.

 

Kana and Yuuto nodded, but they seemed a little more put out and were even completely still in their seats around their short legged table.  _ That’s strange… _ Izaya thought.  _ Usually they’d be bouncing all over the place since they’re home. _

 

Izaya gave a soft sigh and sat back down. “What’s the matter, you two?” He asked gently, unsure of what could be bothering them.

 

The twins looked at each other, seeming to both try and come up with a way to ask their question. They nodded at one another, and then looked back at him. “Daddy, we have a big important question to ask,” Yuuto declared.

 

Kana nodded and decided to ask the hard question herself. “Why don’t we have a mommy?” She asked.

 

Izaya’s eyes widened in shock and he felt his heart skip a beat.  _ I knew they would ask this question eventually but… But I didn’t expect it so soon. What do I say? What do I say?! _

 

The twins obviously were getting nervous thanks to his expression and the fact he was taking so long to answer. Izaya knew he had to think of something fast.

 

After a few more seconds, he forced himself to speak. “Your mother… She...” He began, and then stopped.  _ She abandoned you, she didn’t want you..  _ No, he couldn’t say that. He couldn’t hurt their memory of the parent they didn’t have. 

 

“She… She wasn’t ready to be a parent,” He quietly said,”So, she left you guys with me. I haven’t seen her since.”

 

Yuuto seemed to be taking everything in as he softly asked,”Were  _ you  _ ready?” 

 

“Honestly?” Izaya began,”No, I wasn’t. But you can’t be prepared for everything in life. I was alone… And I was scared for a very long time.”

 

His mind flashed back to the… Darker times of his past couple years. The alcohol abuse, the depression, and nearly losing his life to that bastard of a neighbor. His hand unconsciously went to rub at the scar. 

 

But as he looked at the wide eyed twins, his heart felt lighter. He recalled all the good things that happened. Quitting alcohol, meeting Ahiru, attending college, getting counseling, moving, and raising his two little ones. 

 

“But you wanna know something?” He asked, gaining two little eager nods. He leaned forward, as if it was a secret. “Things get better. It may take days, weeks, or even years. But if you keep pushing through, and you don’t give up, things will get better.” 

 

The children grinned happily, and seemed to decide on the same thing at the same time. They hopped out of their seats and ran over to Izaya, giving him a big, tight hug. 

 

They didn’t say anything, and they didn’t have to. It was enough for Izaya, because he knew that no matter what happened they would always have each other. 

 

— — — — — — — 

One Year Later

— — — — — — 

 

“Kana, Yuuto! Slow down!”

 

Yuuto practically sped around the doorway, his shirt halfway on and hairbrush sill hanging off his hair. His sister was in better shape, but had somehow managed to put her shorts on backwards and her toothbrush was facing the wrong way. Both of them were quivering with excitement and couldn’t seem to stand still.

 

Izaya could understand why, it was their first day of kindergarten after all. Even though they had been in a preschool/daycare growing up, this would be their first time at an actual school. 

 

The raven was really proud of how far he and his family had come in the past two years. They had been living much easier since Izaya started working at the University, and he found that he actually enjoyed teaching quite a bit. 

 

Whenever the professor had to go do research, he always invited Izaya to come with him since it involved traveling all over. When he found out Izaya was refusing because he had kids, he invited them as well.

 

A few in the past few years, Izaya and his kids had been able to travel when given the invitation and it had been amazing. They had gone to Australia, the United Kingdom, and Canada. Time that Izaya didn’t spend helping the professor was time spent with his family, simply enjoying the sights and scenes. 

 

Izaya was still lacking a little in the friend department, but he didn’t really care. He had trust issues after all he’d gone through at the old apartment; so much so that he’d never even met his neighbors. 

 

Ahiru and the people he used to work with at the daycare were the only ones he would genuinely call friends. Even though it had been a full summer since Kana and Yuuto graduated from preschool, he still visited as often as possible. 

 

After two years, the twins had grown. Yuuto was the shorter of the two, with brown hair that stayed around his chin and matched Izaya’s hair more. Kana’s messy hair had finally tamed a bit, and became filled with wavy curls. Her hair reached her shoulders, and was as black as Izaya’s. They were growing up so fast, Izaya couldn’t believe it sometimes.

 

Today was another exciting day, their first day of kindergarten! Izaya was extremely excited, they were finally starting school! The twins were also extremely excited, which was probably why they couldn’t sit still for two seconds. 

 

“Yuuto!” He called, hurrying over to the five year old. “Put your hands up.” The child listened and raised his hands up, allowing Izaya to remove the brush from his hair and pull his shirt all the way down. He then smoothed the hair down with the brush, and nudged the boy towards the kitchen.

 

Kana sped around the corner and spread her arms out. “M’all dressed!” She exclaimed, and then tried to run past him and into the kitchen. 

 

Izaya quickly caught her. “No no!” He teased, lifting her up and making the girl squeal in surprise. “Silly! Your whole outfit is backwards!” He exclaimed. 

 

The little girl giggled louder and squirmed away from him, running back into her room. There was some rustling and then she emerged again, this time with her school clothes on the right away. 

 

“There you go!” He praised,”Now, let’s go get some breakfast!” 

 

— — — — — — 

 

After the kids finished their food, they hurried to the kindergarten. There were plenty of other kids hurrying in, all looking excited for their first day. 

 

Izaya smiled at the sight, taking his own kids and moving them in front of him. He knelt down to their level, and noticed instantly that Yuuto seemed a little anxious. 

 

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” He promised,”It’s just like preschool, except you’ll be a learning even more! And as soon as it’s over, we’ll go and get some mochi, okay?” 

 

Yuuto gave a small smile, nodding eagerly. “Okay,” He said softly while Kana nodded even more excitedly. 

 

Izaya pulled them into a tight hug, and smiling wider with pride. “I love you guys, have a great day!” He said happily. 

 

“We love you too!” They chorused back, then let go and hurried over to the entrance of the school. They turned back and waved at him, and then disappeared inside the school. 

 

Izaya waved back and then sighed happily, turning and walking back out into the city. He felt a little… Strange. He didn’t have classes to teach, and his kids are at school. It was the first time since the twins were brought into his life that he didn’t have them with him when he wasn’t working…

 

_ That’s more free time than I know what to do with… I haven’t had that much in years…  _ He thought, looking around the town. Even though he had lived in Osaka for so long, he didn’t know much except for what was around his apartment. Most of the time he was busy with work of his kids. 

 

He looked around a little, feeling confused.  _ All this free time… What am I going to do?  _ He wondered.

 

The rest of Izaya’s day was pretty relaxing. He went home and graded papers, and then a few hours later found himself sitting on his couch wearing his pajamas, watching television, and eating a bowl of ice cream. It was so simple, but he enjoyed every second of it. 

 

After having his alone time, Izaya got presentable again and headed back to the kindergarten. He got there just as the school let out, and he saw both of his kids standing with the other children and talking with them happily. Izaya instantly felt relieved, they were both smiling and happy. Their day had gone as well as he had hoped.

 

When Yuuto caught sight of Izaya, he quickly tugged his sister’s backpack and then dashed towards Izaya.Kana. Kana quickly waved goodbye to the group and followed after him, both of them catching Izaya in a hug that nearly knocked him off his feet.

 

Izaya laughed in surprise, quickly hugging them back. “So, did you guys have a good day?” He asked, a smile on his face.

 

Kana quickly exclaimed,”Yes! We got to choose our cubbies and make about me photos and we got to meet everyone else and say what our favorite pet was and I told them about Tofu and Pancake and guess what, no one else has pet guinea pigs!”

 

“There was someone that has a snake as a pet, and I thought that was cool!” Yuuto commented,”He said he was gonna try and bring him for show and tell. And then we read a book about a lizard!”

 

Izaya grinned wider. “Sounds like you guys had an awesome day!” He said, gaining excited nods in return. He then leaned closer to them and whispered, “You know what would make it even more awesome?” 

 

Their red eyes widened in excitement, began jumping up and down in their places as they both cheered at the same time. 

 

“Mochi!!” 

\-- -- -- -- -- -- --

 

After mochi had been eaten and the sun had set, Izaya was relaxing on the couch again, but this time the twins were with him. They had been drinking some apple juice and watching Lilo and Stitch, but both the kids slowly drifted off. 

 

Kana had fallen asleep first, her empty cup still clothed weakly in her hand. Yuuto lasted a little longer, long enough to see Stitch save Lilo but eventually fell victim to the need for sleep as well.

 

Izaya watched the movie come to a close, the ending hitting him hard with the words that Stitch said about his family. 

 

When Izaya looked down at his kids, he realized how much he could relate to the story about family. He smiled, and pulled the little ones a little closer.  _ I love you guys so much, more than anything else in the world.  _

 

_ “This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It’s little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good _

 

With a deep, content sigh, Izaya took the little ones into his arms and carried them towards their bedrooms. He couldn’t wait for the next day, or any day after that, and the time they would spend together. 

 

_ I love you guys _ He thought again.  _ Even after everything I’ve gone through, you make me so happy. I wouldn’t change this, I wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything.” _

 

The feeling of love. 


End file.
